10 Tips to Remember When Moving in With Your Boyfriend
Let me preface this by saying that Josh is the best roommate ever, and that living with him is great. But, just like you bump heads with your family, or other roommates, you can bump heads with the person you're dating, especially when you're living together.
If you're lucky (like I consider myself to be), living with your significant other is, usually, a breeze. But here are some tips to keep the tension to a minimum.
(Note: I'm sure that most, if not all, of these things can apply to a "Tips when moving in with your girlfriend" list, but whatever)
1. Set boundaries
When you first move in, you probably figure, "Oh, he can use my conditioner, it's not a big deal." Then, a week later, you find out that your conditioner is gone. Or you think, "He can use my netflix account," then when you try and watch Gossip Girl, your Recently Watched is full of dude movies or Scrubs.
I don't know if that last one bothers anyone as much as it bothers me, honestly.
You can't be afraid of saying "This is my lotion/soap/conditioner/whatever, if you really like it, we can buy another one, so we don't run out so quickly." or "You can use my Netflix if you promise to make your own account."
I'm sure that most of you are thinking "duh, this is obvious," but trust me, this is important.
2. Be prepared to compromise
This is a big thing in all relationships, but especially when you're living together, because you spend most of your time together.
I'm always wanting to eat pasta, or something consisting of bread and cheese, and I know that Josh gets a little tired of that sometimes. So we have to compromise on what we're going to eat for dinner. After dinner, we usually sit on the couch and watch TV, so we have to compromise on what show to watch.
Ultimately, as long as you aren't a dick, and don't expect to get your way all the time, this should be a breeze.
3. Set up a way to divide expenses
I'm not just talking about rent and utilities, either. I'm talking about groceries, nights out, things for the house, any weird fees that you might have to pay, stuff like that. Truthfully, Josh and I are still trying to figure out how to fairy divide up those expenses, but we never hold it over each other's heads ("Well, I paid for dinner last week, and it was $20 more expensive than this dinner, so I think you owe me dessert." Like, no, don't be a dick.) It's important to keep in mind that one of you will make more than the other, and to take that into account when paying for things, but to also remember that making less isn't an excuse to never pitch in.
4. Prepare for them to shed.... a lot
I will be the first to admit that I lose hair all the time. But NOTHING compares to how much hair my boyfriend sheds. I clean the bathroom, and there's Josh hair everywhere. His hair is in our bed, in our shower, it's EVERYWHERE.
It's a small price to pay, but, seriously, prepare yourself.
5. Actually go through your stuff before you move in
You know that scene in Friends where Monica and Chandler are going through their CDs, and Chandler exclaims, "Look honey, we have the same copy of Annie!" and Monica, without even looking up, just says, "Both yours."?
When Josh and I first moved in, we went through our movies, and his video games, but never went through CDs or books, so we have a ton of duplicates (embarrassingly, most of the duplicates are the result of me buying two Nsync CDs, or him having multiple copies of a movie) I would strongly suggest getting rid of any duplicates, or things that you don't want, or need, anymore.
6. Think about what you'll do when one of you is sick
Last week, Josh got sick. Like, humidifier, snoring extra loud, super sensitive, sick. I figure, it's my job to take care of him, but after being kept up by the humidifier and his snoring, I was a cranky, mean girlfriend.
Granted, my irritation subsided after a nap, but, in retrospect, it would have been easier to figure out a different sleeping situation, or to plan for my lack of sleep, by going to bed earlier, or taking more naps.
This seems like a non-issue, but trust me, it's a good thing to think about.
7. Divide up chores
After a while, I got tired of saying "Don't put my bras in the dryer," or "those can't get washed together!" that I just took over doing laundry. By the same token, Josh got tired of me complaining about how far the dumpster was from our apartment, so taking out the trash became his job.
Sometimes, it's not that simple, like when you have to decide who empties the dishwasher, or who cleans the bathroom, but communicating is important, so you can say, "I'll sweep and mop if you dust." or, "If you go to the store and buy groceries, I'll clean the kitchen!"
8. Always look for ways to declutter
Like I said before, Josh and I have a lot of weird duplicates of movies, CDs, books, etc. We also have a lot of stuff in general (Josh has more tshirts than I thought possible, and my book collection is bordering on ridiculous). One of our "couples goals" for 2016 was to get rid of stuff we don't wear, use, or need, and organize better, that way, when we buy a house, we don't have so much stuff to move.
I turned our hangers the "wrong way" so that we can weed out what we don't wear, and I'm rereading everything on my bookshelves to see what I can get rid of. We're also making a list of things to buy for the apartment, like a mail organizer, or a binder to store all of Josh's sheet music in, to organize a little better!
9. Learn to accept defeat
Living together is great, but when you spend so much time with someone, you're bound to disagree from time to time. I'm incredibly stubborn, and I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but since we've been living together, I've gotten much better at saying, "I was a jerk, I'm sorry." than I ever was before.
When you're able to admit your faults and accept defeat, it prevents any awkwardness, and promotes being open. This could also fall under compromising, because even if you don't feel that you've done something wrong, it's easier to say, "I'm sorry that you took what I said that way" or "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you first," than to be mad at each other.
This also serves as a learning experience for the future that Josh and I plan to have. When we first decided to move out, our relationship was incredibly healthy. Now, 4 months later, when I can pee with the door open, and Josh can play video games for hours, while I lay next to him reading, it's easier to envision a future, and to see how it will pan out.
Not everything is going to be easy, but it's important that you lean on each other to get through it, because you really are learning from it.
If you're lucky (like I consider myself to be), living with your significant other is, usually, a breeze. But here are some tips to keep the tension to a minimum.
(Note: I'm sure that most, if not all, of these things can apply to a "Tips when moving in with your girlfriend" list, but whatever)
1. Set boundaries
When you first move in, you probably figure, "Oh, he can use my conditioner, it's not a big deal." Then, a week later, you find out that your conditioner is gone. Or you think, "He can use my netflix account," then when you try and watch Gossip Girl, your Recently Watched is full of dude movies or Scrubs.
I don't know if that last one bothers anyone as much as it bothers me, honestly.
You can't be afraid of saying "This is my lotion/soap/conditioner/whatever, if you really like it, we can buy another one, so we don't run out so quickly." or "You can use my Netflix if you promise to make your own account."
I'm sure that most of you are thinking "duh, this is obvious," but trust me, this is important.
Don't do this, seriously.
This is a big thing in all relationships, but especially when you're living together, because you spend most of your time together.
I'm always wanting to eat pasta, or something consisting of bread and cheese, and I know that Josh gets a little tired of that sometimes. So we have to compromise on what we're going to eat for dinner. After dinner, we usually sit on the couch and watch TV, so we have to compromise on what show to watch.
Ultimately, as long as you aren't a dick, and don't expect to get your way all the time, this should be a breeze.
3. Set up a way to divide expenses
I'm not just talking about rent and utilities, either. I'm talking about groceries, nights out, things for the house, any weird fees that you might have to pay, stuff like that. Truthfully, Josh and I are still trying to figure out how to fairy divide up those expenses, but we never hold it over each other's heads ("Well, I paid for dinner last week, and it was $20 more expensive than this dinner, so I think you owe me dessert." Like, no, don't be a dick.) It's important to keep in mind that one of you will make more than the other, and to take that into account when paying for things, but to also remember that making less isn't an excuse to never pitch in.
4. Prepare for them to shed.... a lot
I will be the first to admit that I lose hair all the time. But NOTHING compares to how much hair my boyfriend sheds. I clean the bathroom, and there's Josh hair everywhere. His hair is in our bed, in our shower, it's EVERYWHERE.
It's a small price to pay, but, seriously, prepare yourself.
5. Actually go through your stuff before you move in
You know that scene in Friends where Monica and Chandler are going through their CDs, and Chandler exclaims, "Look honey, we have the same copy of Annie!" and Monica, without even looking up, just says, "Both yours."?
When Josh and I first moved in, we went through our movies, and his video games, but never went through CDs or books, so we have a ton of duplicates (embarrassingly, most of the duplicates are the result of me buying two Nsync CDs, or him having multiple copies of a movie) I would strongly suggest getting rid of any duplicates, or things that you don't want, or need, anymore.
6. Think about what you'll do when one of you is sick
Last week, Josh got sick. Like, humidifier, snoring extra loud, super sensitive, sick. I figure, it's my job to take care of him, but after being kept up by the humidifier and his snoring, I was a cranky, mean girlfriend.
Granted, my irritation subsided after a nap, but, in retrospect, it would have been easier to figure out a different sleeping situation, or to plan for my lack of sleep, by going to bed earlier, or taking more naps.
This seems like a non-issue, but trust me, it's a good thing to think about.
7. Divide up chores
After a while, I got tired of saying "Don't put my bras in the dryer," or "those can't get washed together!" that I just took over doing laundry. By the same token, Josh got tired of me complaining about how far the dumpster was from our apartment, so taking out the trash became his job.
Sometimes, it's not that simple, like when you have to decide who empties the dishwasher, or who cleans the bathroom, but communicating is important, so you can say, "I'll sweep and mop if you dust." or, "If you go to the store and buy groceries, I'll clean the kitchen!"
8. Always look for ways to declutter
Like I said before, Josh and I have a lot of weird duplicates of movies, CDs, books, etc. We also have a lot of stuff in general (Josh has more tshirts than I thought possible, and my book collection is bordering on ridiculous). One of our "couples goals" for 2016 was to get rid of stuff we don't wear, use, or need, and organize better, that way, when we buy a house, we don't have so much stuff to move.
I turned our hangers the "wrong way" so that we can weed out what we don't wear, and I'm rereading everything on my bookshelves to see what I can get rid of. We're also making a list of things to buy for the apartment, like a mail organizer, or a binder to store all of Josh's sheet music in, to organize a little better!
9. Learn to accept defeat
Living together is great, but when you spend so much time with someone, you're bound to disagree from time to time. I'm incredibly stubborn, and I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but since we've been living together, I've gotten much better at saying, "I was a jerk, I'm sorry." than I ever was before.
When you're able to admit your faults and accept defeat, it prevents any awkwardness, and promotes being open. This could also fall under compromising, because even if you don't feel that you've done something wrong, it's easier to say, "I'm sorry that you took what I said that way" or "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you first," than to be mad at each other.
10. Take everything as a learning experience
This goes two different ways. Moving out, for me, has been a learning experience as an adult. I'm more prepared to pay bills, and to budget, and to do all of those things that I was terrified of doing before.This also serves as a learning experience for the future that Josh and I plan to have. When we first decided to move out, our relationship was incredibly healthy. Now, 4 months later, when I can pee with the door open, and Josh can play video games for hours, while I lay next to him reading, it's easier to envision a future, and to see how it will pan out.
Not everything is going to be easy, but it's important that you lean on each other to get through it, because you really are learning from it.
This is awesome! Also extremely true. Well done!
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