a guide to toxic friends

"Is that what you call a getaway?

Tell me what you got away with.

'Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed

When you say, 'best friends means friends forever.'"

-Brand New, "Seventy Times 7"

I'm a huge advocate for doing what makes you happy, as long as it doesn't cause harm to you, or to other people. Will I occasionally give you weird looks, or gossip with my friends about you? Probably, but because you're making yourself happy, how I can REALLY give you shit?

I like to surround myself with people who feel the same way I do, and who are always supportive of me and my decisions. For example, I recently confessed, to my best friend Matt, that I secretly like country music. Of course, he gave me a little bit of a hard time, but he didn't riducule me or make me feel stupid for my interests, because that's what real friends do.

I've had my share of friends. Hell, I've had my share of "best" friends. I'm on good terms with most of the people I was once friends with, but there are a few friends that have been so toxic and terrible that it was better, for me, to get them out of my life.

How do you recognize a toxic friend? Well, I'll tell you. 

• Real friends understand that a serious relationship will come before them. Should that be an excuse to ignore your friends when you get into a relationship? Absolutely not, because friends are incredibly important. However, friends understand that they won't be the ones sharing a mortgage and raising a family with you, it will be your partner. They understand that, sometimes, they come first, but that it doesn't mean that you've been forgotten. 
• Real friends don't ridicule you. Whether it be for your interests or your behavior, they just don't. 
• Even if they're upset with you, friends don't say untrue or mean things. Sometimes, a friend does something to irritate you, and you vent to someone ("I love ___, but I hate when they do this") and that's fine. However, saying mean things about you to other friends, on social media, or directly to you, is never okay. If they do that, that shows that they weren't a good friend to begin with.
• When you cut out a "bad influence," toxic friends will always react negatively. It's always hard losing a friend, and it's even harder when that friend has chosen to live their life without you in it. However, if you react to this news by slandering them over social media, by having your mutual friends pick sides, or making them feel that they have to, or by otherwise making a mockery of your friendship, YOU WERE THE PROBLEM, not them.
• Toxic friends will always expect, real friend friends will always appreciate. All that a friend should ever expect from you is respect. If you have a friend that expects you to cancel all other plans to hang out with them, or to only have interests that they approve of. What's cool about having friends, is that they don't care if you have different interests, or religions, or political views, they're going to hang around you no matter what. 

If you have a friend that you feel may be toxic, I would reccommend getting them out of your life as soon as you can. There are plenty of blog posts about how to cut out bad friends, as well as songs to help you get through it, and people you can talk to about it (including me). 

If you have good friends, hold them close, because they're so important to have.